I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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