His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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