When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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