Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
