This is the prime rib incident all over again
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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