i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
