Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
