i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
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She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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