happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
