i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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