'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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