we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
