Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
