i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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