he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
