I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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