and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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