omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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