I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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