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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
