Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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