his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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