He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
