glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
