I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize