The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
