i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Randomize
