you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
