If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
