It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
