She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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