Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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