How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
