Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Randomize
