dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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