so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
