This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
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he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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