Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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