I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
being pregnant is like rehab
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
