they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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