Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
