wrigley field is MILF paradise
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
