I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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