I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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