we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
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Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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