Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
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