He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
