haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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