There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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