They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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