So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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