I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
