hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
