I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
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Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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