made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The adults are the big ones right?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
