I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
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I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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