I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
