just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
